Not A Martyr, Just Intolerant While Pregnant

Since being hypervigilant about getting enough rest and watching my blood pressure situation, I've been limiting any non-essential errands like going to Target, playdates and so forth. I've deleted my calendar of extra-curricular activities. (For THREE MONTHS.) I had previously scheduled a Friday evening and day-long Saturday scrapbooking gathering but cancelled it because I didn't think it was best for my health right now. I was really looking forward to getting out of the house, doing what I enjoy and having some "me" time.

Generally, when I do these all-day scrapbook events, I'm grateful to my husband for taking care of Greta -- for doing what I do, day-in, day-out. I think it's good for him to have a 24-hour marathon of playing diaper-changer, short order cook, maid, milk-fetcher, mess cleaner, entertainer, play friend, boo boo kisser, story teller, stroller pusher, errand-runner, disciplinarian and parent.

Did you see me boasting to anyone that I had cancelled MY plans? No. And I didn't feel all proud of myself for being an adult and doing the RIGHT thing.

So imagine my frustration when hubby comes home this evening and proudly declares, "I got invited to poker tonight and didn't go." So I quickly pointed out that after going to the doctor earlier today and taking care of Greta all day, I was supposed to be off my feet and resting this evening. And so, thus, realistically, there was no way he could have gone and played poker. I could tell he was disappointed that I didn't express to him in that moment that I was proud of him for coming home, for opting to NOT play poker with his buddies. I think he wanted me to commend him for turning down a fun time. But I think, instead, he needs to be reminded, that while we're both in need of some fun me-time, we've got to make baby boy's health the number one priority right now. Not resting enough, not having controlled blood pressure, and consequently developing pre-eclampsia and risking delivering a premature baby? I will lay on the couch for eternity for this little boy.

I'm sure to many, spending hours on the sofa sounds delightful. Not to me. I hate TV. I hate laying around. I hate doing nothing. I don't do it well. I am that person who needs to constantly do something -- laundry, dusting, cooking, organizing, going going going.

So, dear husband -- who is so wonderful in so many other ways -- after I cancelled my fun plans to stay at home to rest for medical reasons... I'm sorry that I can't pat you on the back for being a big boy and not playing poker on my night off. I'm donating my ENTIRE SUMMER to play human incubator.

** Disclaimer: Pregnant women are, in my opinion, fully entitled to bitch about things that, in some people's opinion, may or may not be trivial. I don't think I'm a martyr for being a stay-at-home mom. I think my husband is awesome for working his ass off the way he does. But... every once in a while, I can't write all flowerly things about my daughter or motherhood or whatever. And instead, I'm inclined to bitch and moan just to remind myself -- and my friends and family -- that most of the time, I do a pretty good job at keeping the pregnant bitch at bay. Sometimes, if you look at me the wrong way, it comes out. Whoops.